Let’s be honest, dating is awkward. For the lucky ones, they can recover awkward moments by laughing about it and turning it into something good. For others… dates can be a lot worse than awkward; they can be downright unbearable. This Valentine’s Day, we’re turning our trash dates into your reading treasures. We’d be lying if we didn’t get a good laugh recounting these (especially the last one).
The Good
Nice to Re-meet You, Jenna
As a single girl in college, I finally gathered the confidence to dive in the entertaining world of Tinder. (Dun dun DUN!!) At first, I jokingly used the app to read the funny and cringe-worthy messages. After a while, I decided to meet up with a cute guy in person.
On our date, I greeted this stranger-to-me and said, “Hey! Nice to meet you.” To my surprise, he replied, “Jenna, you don’t know me? I lived next door freshman year and said hello every time I saw you.” Absolutely embarrassed, I couldn’t think of a way to quickly cover up the fact that I really had no recollection of who he was. In the end, it actually worked out and that uncomfortable Tinder date eventually led to a relationship.
Kate, Caught Red…Lipped
I had a really good date, and as he was kissing me goodbye he asked, “Is that someone cheering us on?” I laughed off that ridiculous thought by responding, “No, you are crazy. No one cares about us.” A minute later, I got into my Uber and see an Instagram notification. It read, “Get it girl! We just cheered you on while you were making out.” I can’t believe I was publicly spotted!
The Bad
Amanda’s Un-EX-trodinary Date
It all started when I matched with a guy on Hinge. We even had a mutual friend share that we’d be “perfect” for each other. After two weeks of texting, we decided to meet up for tacos and drinks one night. Throughout the night, we weren’t vibing as well as I expected, but I optimistically kept the night going. That was a mistake. Facing the door, his face suddenly looked like he had seen a ghost and he started chugging his drink. His ex-girlfriend had just walked in. Then, he proceeded to tell me every detail of their relationship. It included but is not limited to: how long they dated and the when/where/why of their breakup. It’s safe to say he was NOT over her.
Andie’s Fix-up Mix-up
While out on a first date, I bumped into a male friend from college, who had very recently come out of the closet. Minding my manners, I introduced my friend to my date and excused myself to go to the bathroom. There was a line, so I ended up being away for over 15 minutes. I was making my way back through the bar when I spotted my date with his hand on someone else’s backside… that friend from college. Even from afar, I could tell their chemistry was way more obvious than ours had been, so I kept walking out the door and never heard from either of them again.
Tamara’s Not In the Swing of Things
I met a guy at a Nas concert, which is not typically my style, but he was cute so I decided to give him my number. We ended up hanging out a couple times, but things were still very casual. On our third or fourth “date,” he told me that I was very open-minded and would enjoy this exclusive members only club in D.C.
Being from the area, I asked him for the name of the club. I remember hearing about it but not its exclusivity. In fact, I thought I had heard the opposite. Intrigued, I decided to go. As we entered the club, the crowd was illuminated with red lighting and the air was misty. We continued into a smaller room where a woman was sandwiched between two guys making out. Confused, I looked at my date, but he ushered me to sit down. All of a sudden, a topless girl appears and walks over to the threesome and starts making out with one of the guys!
It was then that my date whispered in my ear, “This is a swingers club…”
Emily’s Friend Without Benefits
Early in college, I had my first actual date ever….except I didn’t know it until about halfway through. We became friends quickly and hung out often. One day, we went to the movies. It ended up turning into dinner, then another movie, and strolling around a park. He insisted on paying for everything, which made it uncomfortable. Eventually, I told him I didn’t feel the same way. Obviously, he wasn’t too happy and the friendship didn’t last too long after that.
Victoria Doesn’t Score
After a mediocre first date, I found myself giving a second chance to a guy that I thought “fit the bill.” It was a beautiful summer evening, and we met up at Spruce Street Harbor Park. Beers in hand, we found a picturesque spot to sit and chat. Once we started talking about our career paths, he abruptly interrupted me to ask me a question… what my SAT score was. He proceeded to act very judgmental about a standardized test that happened 10 years ago. I ignored it, and we went to another bar. The music there was loud and, quite frankly, made my mood worse. To end the evening, he planted a terrible kiss on me. At that point, I literally grabbed my things and ran to go home. The lesson I learned was to get rid of the “checklist” and listen to my gut.
Nose Goes for Dominique
Fortunately, I haven’t been on many bad dates. Though, I can definitely remember the most awkward and cringe-worthy moment I’ve ever had. I was being dropped off, and every time we tried to kiss our noses kept meeting instead of our lips. After that, we never spoke about it… or at all… ever again.
Sarah’s Zilch and a Tinder
I’ve never been a huge fan of online-dating apps. Unfortunately, during my sophomore year of college, my sorority threw a “Fifth and a Tinder” date party. The theme required a date found on Tinder, so I downloaded the app and started swiping. I messaged a guy that went to my school, and luckily (or so I thought) he was free and agreed to go.
The night of the party, he showed up to my house empty-handed with nothing to drink. Not that looks are a big deal, but he also wasn’t what I was expecting from his pictures. As the night was ending, I thought it was going fine. He even bought me pizza on the walk home. But then, when we got to my door, he tried to invite himself inside. I politely turned down and went to bed. I didn’t see him again until the following school year when I awkwardly realized he lived a few houses down from me. Let’s just say you never know what you’re gonna get from Tinder!
The Ugly
Mike’s Literal Shitty Date
My date and I went to a Kid Cudi concert at The Mann Center. During the tailgate, there was only one portable toilet available with a ridiculously long line. Thinking I was smarter than everyone, I snuck into the woods to pee. Well, I was very wrong.
As I was standing there, I started to smell something extra funky. Aware of the fact that I’m wearing flip flops, I realized I needed to find it before I stepped in it. Guess what? Too late, I was already standing in it! There was now human crap all over my foot. The only thing I could think to do was to completely toss my flip flops.
I walked back barefoot, embarrassed, and angry. What do I tell this girl? Do I lie to save embarrassment or tell the truth? Ultimately, I had to tell the truth since I had to clean my feet off with beer, gatorade, and car cleaning products… I used anything I could find. Luckily, I had a pair of sneakers in the car to get me through the concert. Now, I can look back on this and laugh because the date started and ended well. It’s just almost unbelievable how that day went down.
While some people take Valentine’s Day very seriously with flowers and gifts. We just hope you had a good laugh (and maybe a few cringes) today!
Share your most memorable date story with us, whether it’s good, bad or ugly!
This is amazing! I loved reading about all of these hilarious stories!